Life is fragile.

There are few people in life that you pass by that make you a better person. Tim Pratt was that man.

The Sunday before he became sick, he served as security with our Pastor and I remember looking at him with honor and respect. For lunch, we broke bread together at my mother-in-law’s as we typically do. Looking back, there was something special about this meal. As always, we joked and found something to laugh about. He made the room more relaxed. He was a gentle soul full of humility and grace. He never was one for the spotlight nor was he ever one that you saw lose his temper. I always knew when I was being too passionate (positive word for too loud) or too wordy with things as he would raise his eye brows and give me a quick glance with a smirk – that was enough to signal the closing of my mouth. Tim was a man who was patient and kind. Tim was not jealous, did not brag, was not arrogant, did not act disgraceful and never sought his own benefit. He did not keep an account of wrongs suffered nor rejoiced in unrighteous – only rejoiced in truth. Tim was the definition of loving like Jesus. While I am certain he had his faults and failures – he owned them and responded to the correction of them.

Tim was a man of days gone by – a born and raised East Tennessee country boy with a farm and horses. He knew what it meant to care for neighbors and help those in time of need. He raised and led a family with confidence to the Lord in faith and faithfulness. He never made an excuse to not serve and not be at church on Sunday morning. You felt his hugs all the way to the bottom of your toes. He would give the shirt off of his back and then some. As we learn to walk these roads without his peaceful presence, we pray for Susie, Chris, Megan and Lucy. These initial days are the easy ones – it is the six months from now when the hustle and bustle stops. May we never forget those who grieve while they grieve in their own way. I pray I never forget the impact of a life well lived. I pray I never forget how fragile life is and how quickly it can be gone. I pray I never forget the beauty of love and what it looks like in human form. I pray Tim’s legacy lives on in my own life for as many days I have left.

The Excellence of Love

13 If I speak with the tongues of mankind and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. ² If I have the gift of prophecy and know all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. ³ And if I give away all my possessions to charity, and if I surrender my body so that I may ^[a]glory, but do not have love, it does me no good.

⁴ Love is patient, love is kind, it is not jealous; love does not brag, it is not arrogant. ⁵ It does not act disgracefully, it does not seek its own benefit; it is not provoked, does not keep an account of a wrong suffered, ⁶ it does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; ⁷ it ^[b]keeps every confidence, it believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

⁸ Love never fails; but if there are gifts of ^[c]prophecy, they will be done away with; if there are tongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be done away with. ⁹ For we know in part and prophesy in part; ¹⁰ but when the perfect comes, the partial will be done away with. ¹¹ When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I ^[d]became a man, I did away with childish things. ¹² For now we see in a mirror ^[e]dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully, just as I also have been fully known. ¹³ But now faith, hope, and love remain, these three; but the ^[f]greatest of these is love.

We only see the very beginning and the very end. We know when, where and how we were born and we know for certain there will be a death date. The alpha and omega. The starting line and finish line. The first and the last. We celebrate beginnings: birth days, first day at a new job, wedding days. We celebrate and honor endings: funerals, memorial services, headstones to last forever in our honor. But what about the middle?

The middle is what makes us. The middle determines the ending and can partially blame the beginning. The middle is where the challenges are – the marks in the road that leaves indelible marks in our DNA to push us towards the end designed. The middle creates the depth, creates the endurance, creates the power of humility and submission. The middle takes faith.

All of my life I have been taught about faith and how to have faith, but only through walking a journey of unknowns is faith born. This life is very foggy – it causes us to question every step and creates curiosity while ‘in the middle’. The fog weighed heavy before March 2020 – it consisted of politics, church going chaos, work restraints and frustrations, ongoing doubt if we are ever really “good enough”, child raising – public, private, home-school, aging parents, drama of the teenagers, etc. Not to mention the normal discussion with God on what He was actually calling us to do – you know, more than the attend church and try not to cuss.

And then March 2020 – the first 4 months of fog consisted of how to navigate our lives completely different and cut off from the world with those we live with. Then, navigating a deep debilitating fog of the loss of those we love and hold dear. Then, the fog of uncontrollable chaos all around, fear left to its own accord and life as we know it turning upside down. These are big discussions of faith in the overwhelming and paralyzing fogs of life. But what about the other? The ones that are God speaking to you to take a stand, take a step, to trust Him with your next steps of life and love and liberty.

I would propose that every day, the Lord is working in us His great plan for our lives and inviting us to join in. I know in my life, I can count three very clear moments that the Lord shared a glimmer of the next step I was to take and now looking back, more thankful than ever! First, the career path that I am now in – I knew in November 2015 while leading a bible study of ladies I worked with that my career was going to be something different in February 2016. I am the gal that hears the Word and is immediately ready to follow the Word – even if immediate obedience is not the request. So, I was going to quit my job and wait on the next gig – my amazing calm and realistic husband reminded me that I did not enjoy sleeping in a box, so maybe I should wait. In December 2015, I had an offer letter in my hand to embark on this journey I have been on for the last six years. Doing what I have been designed to do.

Second, is the story of my sweet Joel becoming an important part of the Haley family. Through ministry that led us on a wild journey with a sweet gal, my son came to us. Clif and I had to take a huge step of faith in receiving this newborn and trusting that the Lord wouldn’t completely destroy our hearts with our obedience. Five years later, he is a Haley. He defines the Haley name and never ever stops the adventure.

Last, for my list today, definitely not last in our lives – the creation of a ministry in downtown Knoxville serving those who currently live in the motels. Our church, through the A21 planning team, embarked upon a ministry that no one in our area had ever done or heard of. Today, even without me sitting in the leader sit, they are serving almost 600 people every two weeks with a hot meal and the hope of the Gospel of Jesus.

Today, we are about to embark on our next step of the journey in the fog. And the faith is required even more today than the times past. However, it is so much easier to trust the One who controls the fog after looking back on all the times He kept us safe in the past-time fogs of life. This day is a new day and another day where trust is needed for life, love and liberty.

May we always say yes to the Lord who made the fog, while we navigate the fog on our journey to the other side.

These days are the most difficult I’ve seen. Death is not something that most understand, but all will someday face. The loss of someone very close too soon, is not a badge that anyone wants on the vest; especially not during the days of not being able to have a funeral, hug a friend, and being sequestered from all who long to love on you. The last 43 days are days that have passed in a daze, in a fog, at the speed of light and as slow as the seasons change. Sadness is intense. Longing for more is overwhelming. The many ways we as humans process and cope in our physical bodies makes sense – and nothing, absolutely nothing is viewed as off limits. We eat. We are lazy. We are busy. We find new projects. We watch TV for days on end. We do everything we can to keep from facing the pain and the root cause of discomfort. Every day a different and unexpected roller coaster.

As the rain falls, a calmness takes over. The steadiness of the drops hitting the ground, the porch – the cooling of the air. Today, I am blessed with a silent house – kids are camping with Gigi & Papaw, husband living his best life by sleeping in, and Murphy is cuddled close on the couch. Only the sound of rain. Only the sound of the wind chimes still sitting in my living room being gently moved by my overhead fan. The stillness and the quiet are life to my bones. The space from the noise in my head is ointment to my deep, infected wounds. The steadiness of the rain – consistent and purposeful. Also, full of life and ointment.

How do I count the ways of thanksgiving? How do I number all of the ways that You, oh Unseen Hand, have lifted me up from the pit? How do I thank You in my continuous moments of rebellion, fear and hurt, You have shown me insurmountable grace? How do I continue to remember the gratitude of suffering that You have been teaching me all of my life? How do I embrace the days of darkness because I know that You are writing my greatest stories in these closets? How do I grow? How do I bear the fruit that I could only have bore through the painful and powerful removal of all the dead things still in me? How do I say thank You for the pain? How do I say thank You…. and receive Your peace.

The Redbird. Great is Thy Faithfulness. My sister. The Redbird.

43 days ago today, I lost my best friend. She was there the day I was born, and partnered with my parents all of my life to encourage me and do her part in my growth. The partnership a 17 year old girl chooses when her mother just delivers a newborn at the age of 39. She was the constant I never realized. She was the one closer than anyone in this world.

My Papaw always called my sister “redbird”. I honestly don’t know why – I am the child that caught the tail-end of most things historic in the family because when I came onto the scene a lot of things were over. If I had to guess, it’s because of her continuous singing! A few years back, we found the audio tapes of my hysterical Papaw Arnold singing with my two year old sister. It was the best fun! They sang and sang and sang. And she wanted us all to hear EVERY SONG. Now, I don’t know if your family is like mine, but we tend to only like the home videos and recordings that show how cute we are…. and I am the youngest by a lot – so that means, I thought it was cute, but ready to do something else. Like the time when my brother forced me to watch every single play of every single football game he played in. I digress.

Then I saw the redbirds in my back yard these last few weeks. So I did a little homework.

The northern cardinal (Cardinalis cardinalis) is one of the most familiar red songbirds in North America, so familiar that it has been honored as the state bird of seven states (google). Cardinals are song birds and incredibly loyal. Both males and females do this, and most often in spring and early summer when they are obsessed with defending their territory against any intruders. Birds may spend hours fighting these intruders without giving up (allaboutbirds.org).

A loyal songbird and a warrior against intruders is what I gather about the redbird. There are absolutely not better adjectives to describe my sister. The songbird who’s loyal with a warrior defense.

Her songs ranged from the hip hop of the 80’s to Gaither Vocal Band. She adored times with Celine and Reba and Whitney. She embraced every chord of Bon Jovi & Garth while worship along with David Phelps. Nothing was left out. And don’t forget the always famous Vacation Bible School music by Jeff Slaughter – say “Yes to VBS!” still ringing in my ears. Oh, and the Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir – I mean, our best friends were Brandon, Karen and don’t forget the “amazing skinny black fella” Durell. They don’t know we are all besties with them, probably more like stalkers if I am honest. The power of a song is incomprehensible. Music changes an atmosphere. Lyrics can scream the inner most cries of the soul. It’s clear that the last 43 days have not held enough music in my life and for that sis, I am sorry. When you are sad or disobedient and walking away from living – you turn the music off. She never turned the music off. If anything, she turned it louder during days of struggle and darkness.

Many people choose to look upon smiling family photos and assume that their lives have been easy. Our lives have been anything but easy, but each step of the journey – we chose joy. Yet, in these days, we always had each other. When dad’s health was bad, when mom was acting goofy, when babies were sick or having surgeries, when all of our grandparents passed away, when she realized Keely was coming, when church hurt was more than one person could bear (over and over again over the course of 20 years), when the kiddos chose poorly, when the finances were tight, when brother needed our professional counseling and instruction :), when husbands were difficult (at least in our eyes)….. we were together. Sisters, tighter than any. Her loyalty was one I never had to question. Family came first above it all. Even if disagreements came – we yelled and then hugged.

Yet beyond all – a warrior. She protected her family above all. She attacked anyone who messed with her family, and those she viewed as family! She would cut you! Ha ha – she always joked about “cutting people”. You know, the way a “square white chick from Halls” cuts people. Super scary… but none the less – a warrior. Proverbs 18:24 says “A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” I had the blessing of experiencing this sisterhood kind of love. She defended the territory of her home like none other. She directed her family to the love of Jesus. She led her family in boldness and confidence to the throne room. She was a faithful follower who graciously welcomed everyone to join in.

May I be the loyal, warrior songbird as you, Sister. You created in me a source of comfort and strength. Steadfast. Your motherly, sisterhood love I will forever cherish. Every memory and every picture, I adore. Still, I’ll do my part to make sure your daughters and grandchildren never miss out on any detail that you would’ve seen to. I won’t try to be their all, but as you always reminded me, I will make sure they know the One who is to be their all. You would hate the amount of tears I’ve cried. You would hate the guilt and unrealistic burden I’ve placed on my own shoulders. You would love the heck I give to Greg in your absence. You would not leave the Throne Room of God to come back to this decaying earth. You finished your race strong. And each of us will make you proud with how we finish ours.

It is well with my soul…

“What’s next?” says President Bartlett (The West Wing).

Oh the things we won’t forget about you…

• How you never wasted one second of sunshine on the beach, dawn until dusk. Every day.
• WEST WING!
• Every detail of anonymous stories of the mortgage industry and your passion for your co-worker sisters.
• Stupid love for the Walking Dead zombies and those scary face distorting apps (that I obviously don’t share).
• The old homes in Fountain City.
• Your red nail polish – and that it is a must for the month of December.
• Perfection of hair color, ear rings and lip color.
• You never acted like mom. Ha ha! (we all know the truth but we will let you believe what you want).
• Your abundance of cream with your coffee.
• The day after Thanksgiving shopping adventures that always forced us into the bathroom and Greg calling 500 hundred times per hour!
• The crazy love you had for every orphan in all of the world.
• The madness love you had for Laila, Lily, Ernie and Lonnie.
• The zeal for Kayla, Karlie and Keely.
• The unwavering passion for Reverend William Gregory!
• The way you loved my babies like a grandmother/aunt does.
• Trips to NYC. And anywhere else we could go!
• The fear you felt your first time getting off of the subway in Chinatown NYC!
• The times we sang with the choir in Romania.
• The times we sang in the choir in old Fairview choir loft and new.
• The time we sang in Brooklyn Tabernacle choir loft.
• The times we sang in my car. Your car. Mom and Dad’s house.
• Your love for red punch and fancy glasses.
• The way you always organized all family gathering meals and made sure it was awesome, even though you swore you would ‘never make that again’.
• The way you always made sure everyone “really loved it” at Christmas time – every gift, every time.
• The way you loved precious moments, lighthouses and tulips.
• PETE’S. CRUISE FARM.
• Dollywood’s “Christmas in the Smokies” with kids and parents.
• UT Football and Petros.
• Thanksgiving foods and Christmas lights.
• The passion you have for the church and it’s vision and purpose.
• White Christmas.
• Long long days at the pool when a beach was not accessible.
• Watching you watch Kayla become a mother.
• Your love for the Baxter family and Karen Kingsbury books.
• Your patriotism – #TRUMP2020.
• The amount of times that brother took his jokes too far and made you mad.
• Your southern twang when you sang.
• The way you called every day to “see what I was doing” and “call for no reason” – just to chat. And notoriously we would get passionate about something before the daily call ended – Every Single Time.
• Your cheetah print.
• The details in every party.
• The Christmas boxes and bows for every gift.
• Your crazy love for binders and good pens.
• Jewelry. The hoops. The pearls. The Pandora.
• The amount of times you held each of our heads against the wall to use your mighty tweezers to remove hair from our faces- eye brows, chins, anywhere needed!
• The appreciation of a good meal and a good beach house.
• The many many videos and photographs of Keely playing volleyball and cheering.
• All of the times you tracked me on Life360 asking why I was “in that part of town”.
• All of the times you told dad my plans – like taking my kids to Indonesia – as an attempt to foil my plans.
• The journey of Pike House Coffee.
• Radical Operation of Faith VBS material you wrote. In His timing, we will complete.
• Brooklyn.
• Carmine’s meat ball love.
• Your love for the lighthouses of Maine.
• Your favorite “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things”. Philippians 4:8
• The incredibly beautiful wedding you gave to Kayla – the style, class and beauty.
• The faith you had for Karlie to follow the Voice to attend Lee University.
• The stix ministry and watching Karlie bring “joy to the world”.
• Every single meal you made for every youth event in your lifetime. Only God knows how many kids you’ve fed in your days.
• The days serving at Angelic.
• The way you prayed and spoke for those invisible –
• Your legacy lives on… every day, every moment.

Dear husband.

We are at war. The god of this age desires nothing more than to tear us away from our God, each other and claim our children for himself.

We are at war. Not with one another. Never with one another. We are wearing the same jersey and rooting for the same team. Days are long and challenging and many days the enemy can catch us by surprise and pounce on a vulnerable spot. But what will we do with that- turn on each other or cling tighter?

We are at war. Act as if we are at war. Prepare for battle. Strengthen the muscles and armor up. There will be a siege. We will be brought into battle – how will we respond. Will we cower in fear and defeat? Will we succumb to the lies whispered to our souls to create havoc within our minds?

The war is real. As real as the rings on our fingers and the tides coming in on the shore.

There is a new rise of couples calling it quits after 30 years of marriage. This isn’t an option. The covenant was for life and we must rally tighter and tighter every day through every struggle and hardship. The team doesn’t change. The enemy doesn’t change. The perspective changes. The reality looks different, but it’s not different.

We must choose to win this war. We may not win every battle and some battles are more challenging than others- but for the war, we declare victory in Jesus Name.

We declare that Jesus has supreme authority in our home, family and marriage. We declare to cling tighter and tighter to one another and His Word. We declare to build our foundation on Truth- Absolute Truth.

We are at war. We must not live like we are in a playground.

“My flesh and my heart may fail, But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” Psalm 73:26