writing

Every day is a gift. Every day is a choice of how you spend the minutes. Every day we make the decisions of what to do with our 24 hours. I have heard it said and I have often said myself, I just wish I had a few more hours. Ha! We would waste that too without proper mindset. Kind of like the person who wishes they had more money to get out of debt… when all along the problem is not the top line, but the expense line… sorry, I digress. Just a take a way, I have the same amount of hours in my day as Elon Musk, Thomas Edison and of course Jesus. Each with the same 24 hours.

Yesterday was a perfect day. Beautiful temperatures, sun out – a restful morning of sleeping in until 6:49 AM with a relaxed Bible Study, time on the back porch with my book and coffee and LEG DAY with Faster Way. A peaceful morning. Joel, of course, awake by 7:50 AM to start his day of adventure with Legos and the continuation of fascination with Bad Guys book series and it’s author. Georgia the pre-teen sleeping in until someone from the otherworld wakes her from her deep grip on dreams.

And then off to the races we began! We had told mom the day prior that we would go on an adventure. At the time, I was completely unclear on what that adventure might be – I needed the Lord to tell me for certain what He intended our free day to look like. I cancelled my evening plans, as He directed, and chose to not be rushed and live in the day. Now, I had received a facetime message clearly asking me to pick up a gift for some sweet friends of ours 50th wedding anniversary from my mom – she made it clear that she was not going to forget about this gift and if I came without it…. we would be doing that first. So, I quickly took care of that and the Benedryl cream for Joel’s bee stings from the day prior, and we were off to the races.

Three years ago this August, my dad passed away. Six years ago this August, my sister passed away. In our family, memories matter. Days are important. We live each day to the absolute fullest and refuse to waste a moment. A blessing and a curse because you find yourself never really resting and breathing – so crash days are incredibly important. August is a big deal month that we all try to forget and hold our breath to get through.

I am currently reading a book called The Awe of God by John Bevere. I highly recommend to anyone wanting more out of life and wanting more in obedience to the Lord. I am finding that I have feared men way more than I have feared God and that is a bad deal. I also just finished two other books – A Million Miles In a Thousand Years by Donald Miller AND The Pursuit of God by A.W. Tozer. Both are life changing and should be on every human’s reading list.

Also, I noticed that kids have summer reading books assigned for upcoming 7th graders, 4th graders, etc. Where is the summer reading list for upcoming 41 year olds? Who know… maybe I am drafting that now. Back to the story.

For those who are unaware, my mom was diagnosed with vascular dementia not long after my father passed away. For most of her adult life she struggled with depression, anxiety and deep sadness. I think from many of the things she experienced and never really sought help for – the loss of her first born baby among those things. However, in the season of her diagnosis, my brother and I have noticed that you will not find an overall happier person. I say in her case, the dementia has been a gift to her in her later years. Not remembering the pain. Not remembering the struggles. Only remembering the good. And that seems to be the case – and I pray it always is. But I am curious if maybe the Lord has a way of giving us the beautiful holy form of dementia that keeps us logged into only the good, forgetting the bad, and only doing whatever He tells us to do next…. like she only does whatever the person she trusts around her tells her to do next. Maybe there is something to this dementia story that longs for one to press in and better understand.

We took off! Sunroom open and music blaring! Singing and dancing down the road. All the way to the local library for my kiddos to get some more of those summer reading books and my mom to break all of the sound ordinance rules within the public library. I am not sure the lady has ever been in one, well, she says she hasn’t. But who knows. She made friends with everyone, like always, so no one could tell her to hush… even though I tried. And then, once my kiddos got the maximum they could check out, we were off to lunch. Humble Hog in downtown Knoxville – HH is the logo. For those who know, you know… HH. I HIGHLY recommend this great dive for home cooked, gluten free goodness. We even ordered chicken livers, which have always made me want to gag – but my dad loved them. So we gave them a try! TEN out of ten! Our perfect handicap parking spot on Gay Street, 20 steps from the entrance made this the perfect spot and moment. There is nothing quite like eating outside in a downtown scene. Lots to see – people, graffiti artwork, sunshine. It was just great! So, moral of the story, go to the Humble Hog, eat outside, get chicken livers OR the biggest fried bologna sandwich you’ve ever seen.

Next on the agenda, a quick trip to the mountains. Being that we are so blessed to be about one hour from the Great Smoky Mountains – we go. Not enough, but we go. We spent about one hour in The Chimneys – sitting by the water as Joel played, Georgia napped (preteens sleep all of the time) and me & mom chatted about whatever and where ever her mind took her. We were relaxed. Not rushed. Enjoying all of the Lord’s creation that man looks to destroy every chance we get. The sound of the water and birds were so loud and fulfilling. You could almost hear it all singing “how great is our God”. The absolute marvel of our Creator among the created things.

All day long, mom said this was the best vacation of her whole life. Now, we went to Alaska and Hawaii in the last few years so I am trying not to take offense. But it was a pretty awesome day.

I mentioned earlier that I am reading a book called The Awe of God by John Bevere and in one the chapters he speaks of complaining…. He spoke about the “five sins that kept Israel from its destiny: craving evil things, worshiping idols, sexual immorality, testing God and complaining” (1 Corinthians 10:6-10). He goes on to mention that complaining is “the antithesis of holy fear; it’s not trembling at His Word. We dishonor God and His Word when we think or speak from the posture of discontentment.”

Ouch. This section hit hard. Every day and every new adventure, my mom is living in a vacation. She is thrilled to be alive. She is thrilled to have people who love her surrounding her. She loves to live and just the simplest car ride down the road brings her to life. No discontentment. Just fun in the present adventure. No to do lists for that one, just whatever the person who loves her tells her to do next. Interesting thought… just do whatever the Person Who loves us tells us to do next.

To round out the day, we went looking for a few deals at the Tanger Outlet – the tennis shoe shop and underwear shop. Looking for the items we can get for less. Quite successful, all three – mom, Georgia and Joel- walked away with new shoes! It was like Christmas morning. And of course, the last stop being the ultimate Buccees. Mom was living like a kid in a candy shop. After retrieving the perfect shirt for the 4th of July AND Icees (slushies for those not local) for the kids, we were off to the house.

This day was a calm, relaxed, non eventful day. But this day left an indelible mark.

Often times, we wait until it is too late to share our heart and soul to another. We wait until the funeral or the days, years after to really contemplate and speak about how one’s life has truly impacted them. Coming off of the month of mothers, you know May, I have the strong desire to share with the world what my mother means to me.

My entire life she has been present. For good and for bad…. I remember being that kid growing up whose mom was always home and was the most incredible stay-at-home mom, but that meant she was also at home. Ha Ha! Meaning, I wanted more independence from her like some of my friends did. Little did I know how important it was for me to have my mom with me at home. She was the one who took me and my 6th grade friends to see Titanic in the theater 8 times. Not to mention going to Dollywood nearly every other day and of course the late-night Krystal’s run for hot and fresh Krystal burgers (she with extra onions and cold co-cola, aka coca cola), and my middle school friends will never forget when she asked us if we were in the 1965 earthquake, knowing good and well we were all born in 1985 (being that I came from her).

My mom has always been the one to bring a good laugh to the crowd and I still think she would’ve made the BEST Youtube Influencer with cameras following her around every day. However, she may have been given a few citations from police. Growing up, she was the one who made the peanut butter and jelly sandwiches just perfect and never stopped letting me sleep with her, laying on her arm. She cuddled me and also pushed me. She told me to always use my brain and make something strong of myself. She took me to church during the days when my household did not do that.

I’ll never forget the evening that my dear friend, Ashley Smith (yes, using maiden name here) and I were inseparable all summer. Every other night we spent the night with each other! I cannot even imagine that today! Just because I am old. But her dad lingered on our front porch after bringing me home and encouraged my mom to bring me to church. I was in 4th grade. We went. Our home, our lives, our salvations were forever changed. That one invite from precious Randy Smith changed the course of our family legacy and future. Being a part of Fairview Baptist Church became a core value to who I am today. This place and these people supported my mom and soon my dad, and then my entire family – sister, brother and their families- in becoming more like Jesus. The faces changed, but the mission has never changed. All because my mom took me. My mom made the decision to take me to church.

She has lived a life of struggle and sorrow. She has buried two children – one newborn and one at the age of 51. She has buried both parents and her husband of nearly 60 years. She has seen difficult days in America and at the young age of 76, she now sees and experiences things she never dreamed. She graduated from the old Rule High School and met my pops at the Copper Kettle restaurant who had the cook, Pete of the famous downtown diner Pete’s! She was constantly surrounded by family with all of the good and bad that it brings! A brother who she says was constantly in trouble! Sorry, Uncle Charles! 🙂 She served our country as the wife of a US Air Force soldier and lived in beautiful Victorville, CA. Not to mention delivered my older sister there – thousands of miles away from family and friends. But she continued.

She continued to smile and brighten up the room. With her beehive hair and gorgeous legs, she shined. She created a home full of laughter, love and joy. She reminded of hard truths and poured into me to be the absolute best that God made me to be.

These days are different for us as we are navigating life without my dad, without my sister and constantly being faced with what the days ahead will look like. As she beautifully and comically said to me the other day, “If I get another diagnosis of something can you just not tell me?” And I belly laughed for what felt like hours. These are our pleasantly confused days, and I am loving every single one.

Mom, you are never a bother and never a burden. Mom, you have given me the very best foundation by challenging me to constantly be more than I thought I could. You created in me the desire to learn, grow, improve all while laughing. You have given me the very best foundation to live by and taught me the importance of making every moment count. You gave me faith. You took me to the altar of God. You continue to light up every room and shine brightly. We love our sweets, and we love our salt! Drinking coffee with you will never get old and I am thankful for you! Even if you did read all of my journals while I was growing up. You are truly one of a kind and one of the very best of humanity. Never stop laughing. And definitely keep smiling.

I LOVE YOU. HAPPY MOTHER’S MONTH. And how about we nominate this summer as Mother’s Summer?! You are way too special to celebrate for just one day, one month – let’s take the summer!

Readers, may this be the day you are rekindled with your mom. OR you choose to be the mom you were designed to be.