I’ve been told all of my life that I am supposed to take care of myself.  This “American Dream” is always pushed.  This “woman’s rights” movement is all around.  Even at church, no one says it out loud, but everyone pushes “responsibility” and “acting like an adult.”  But lately, I am torn as to what those phrases really mean.  How does the American dream and being a Christian in 2015 America collide?  How does it look to have “woman’s rights” and submit to your husband?  What does it mean to be “responsible” and take up your cross daily?  It just doesn’t feel like they work together….  I am the queen of asking questions without ever really getting a response.  At least not a response that is comfortable.

A few weeks ago as I was preparing my heart for Easter, I was overcome with a sense of conviction.  I was overwhelmed with how my heart has drifted, ever so slightly from what I truly claim to be.   The Lord continued to tell me that “I had bought the lie.”  And as I pondered every day, literally it felt like every day, what that meant, I found that I was becoming more and more frustrated with myself.  I had done more than bought the lie, I have completely adapted to a lifestyle that is completely focused upon myself.  I am definitely not taking up my cross… I am not anywhere close to a cross.  I am a consumer.  I am a consumer of church.  I am a consumer of stuff.  I am a consumer of anything and everything my heart desires.  I am so much of a consumer that I don’t even realize that I continue to feed the flesh every single day without even thinking.

I consume.

I drive the car that I’ve always wanted.  If I see a dress or a pair of shoes I want, I buy them.  If I am hungry, I immediately buy something to eat.  If a new IPhone comes out, I must have it.  If I don’t like my skin color, I go to the tanning bed (which I have done even since this massive conviction has started.)  If I want to go on vacation, I go.  If I want a new laptop, I get one.  If I don’t like what is on my television, I keep flipping until I find what entertains me.  My life is all about me.

I’ve been reading a book called “Kisses from Katie” by Katie Davis.  If you haven’t read it, I believe that all people Christians and non-believers should definitely take a few hours and read it.  It has changed my viewpoint so much and aligned it back to the Scriptures.  Here is an excerpt that so powerfully spoke to me.

Once there was a people who surveyed the resources of the world and said to each other: “How can we be sure that we will have enough in hard times?  We want to survive whatever happens.  Let us start collecting food, materials, and knowledge so that we are safe and secure when a crisis occurs.”  So they started hoarding, so much and so eagerly that the other peoples protested and said: “You have so much more than you need, while we don’t have enough to survive.  Give us part of your wealth!”  But the fearful hoarders said: “No, no, we need to keep this in case of an emergency, in case things go bad for us too, in case our lives are threatened.”  But the others said: “We are dying now, please give us food and materials and knowledge to survive.  We can’t wait…we need it now!”  Then the fearful hoarders became even more fearful, since they became afraid that the poor and hungry would attack them.  So they said to one another: “Let us build walls around our wealth so that no stranger can take it form us.”  They started erecting walls so high that they could not even see anymore whether their enemies were outside the walls or not!  As their fear increased they told each other: “Our enemies have become so numerous that they may be able to tear down our walls.  Our walls are not strong enough to keep them away.  We need to put bombs at the top of the walls so that nobody will dare to even come close to us.”  But instead of feeling safe and secure behind their armed walls they found themselves trapped in the prison they had build with their own fear.  They even became afraid of their own bombs, wondering if they might harm themselves more than their enemy.  And gradually they realized their fear of death had brought them closer to it.

I had recently been back to the States and seen and realized this fear.  A very real fear that if we gave everything away, we wouldn’t have enough for ourselves.  Back in my new home (Uganda) I saw the consequences of children starving to death, sleeping under rags and in chicken feces, withering away from disease.  In our fear, even many of us who claimed to believe in Christ were failing to do what He said for the least of His people.  

Fear.  It’s a part of human nature, but it’s not something we got from God.  Second Timothy 1:7 says: “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.”  When I imagine God creating each one of us and planting a purpose deep in our hearts, I never imagine that purpose being mediocrity.  While the Bible doesn’t clearly tell every person on earth specifically what his or her life’s calling will be, it does include a lot of general direction: 

“You are to find the least of these.” Yes.

“You are to leave your earthly possessions and come follow me.” Yes.

“You are to love and serve the Lord God with all of your heart and love your neighbor as yourself.” Yes.

“You are to go and make disciples of all nations.” Yes.

“You are the entertain strangers and lepers and tax collectors.” Yes.

“You are to show mercy.” Yes.

“You are to live a life of mediocrity and abundance, holding on tight to your comfortable lifestyle, lest you lose it.” NO.

I don’t think so.  “Mediocrity and abundance” aren’t there.  However, mediocrity and abundance, comfort and ease, do seem to be safe choices for many people, including myself.  In stark contrast, leaving our possessions, following Jesus when we don’t have a well-defined plan, and entertaining strangers- well, that does sound a little scary.  But what if, just beyond that risk, just beyond that fear, is a life better than anything we have ever imagined: life to the fullest.  

Every day we have a choice.  We can stay nestled in our safe comfortable places…we can let fear of something that is really small compared to the greatness of God cripple us, or we can take a risk.  Do something to help someone else, make a person smile, change someone’s world.  Life to the fullest exists.  It’s available.  All we have to do is decide to embrace it  (Pages 99-101 of Kisses from Katie by Katie Davis).

What if today we embraced it.  What if today we decided that we don’t want to live life like everyone else.  Today, I want to live the way that YOU want me to live.  And ONLY YOU, LORD JESUS.  Today is the day to let the Spirit truly lead you down the path that He has already carved out ahead of you.  I pray that I can embrace that life.  I pray that I can truly seek more of Him and less of me.  Lord Jesus, give me what I need to get to that life.  May today be all about You, Lord Jesus.