“I will meditate on Your precepts, and contemplate Your ways.” Psalm 119:15
“The fear of God is the death of every other fear; like a mighty lion, it chases all other fears before it.” Charles Spurgeon.
“Work out your own salvation with fear and trembling.” Apostle Paul, Philippians 2:12
We are called to fear God. We are not called to a spirit of fear. We are called to honor Him, submit to Him and declare Him as LORD of our lives – and in order to do so, we must know Him. This book has brought me to a more intimate place and was used to challenge and convict me. This book has been written to remind the people of God what our actual role with God is. This book has been used mightily to teach me what fearing God is and why it matters. He has invited us into relationship with Him on purpose, by design – why would we ever say no?! We are not made for this world – it is much grandeur than this beautiful place.
In week one, day three, Bevere says the following,
“To fear God is to Hallow Him.
To fear God is to esteem, respect, honor, venerate, adore Him above anyone or anything else.
To fear God is to hate sin.
To fear God is to hate injustice.
To fear God is to depart from evil in every sense – thought, word, and action.
To fear God is to walk in authentic humility before God and mankind.
To fear God is to obey Him.
To fear God is to ABSTAIN FROM EVERY FORM OF complaining, murmuring, or grumbling.
The fear of the LORD shapes our intentions, thoughts, words, and actions.”
I was challenged with the overwhelming thought, nearly on every page, do I truly fear God? I have been a Christian for nearly thirty years – and I would say most of it truly pursuing Him, His Word, His fellowship with other believers, His Mission for the Kingdom. But have I ever considered, do I truly fear God? Does my life, or should I say the fruit of my life, reflect a true submission of my will to His Will.
I appreciate Bevere’s further explanation in his book The King is Coming where he states the following, “One who fears God is not afraid of Him; rather, he or she is terrified of being away from Him.” Am I truly terrified of missing Him for a moment? Am I so afraid of following the wrong voice that I discipline myself to consume His Word before ever starting my full day? Do I truly fear the God that I have stated as my Redeemer, Messiah and Friend? The God that I declare publicly as my LORD?
This book is not set up like a normal book on Christian education, encouragement and teaching. Bevere does a great job of breaking it down into small, manageable chapters with the intention that you read one-two chapters per day for 3-6 weeks. He desires that you truly slow down enough to embrace the message found within each chapter and truly seek the truth in prayer.
“Joyful is the person who finds wisdom, the one who gains understanding…. nothing you desire can compare with her.” Proverbs 3:13, 15. True Godly Wisdom is only found in salvation. Not through experience, but in salvation and sanctification – just ask James. And when that person has found it, JOY follows. To find wisdom – “The fear of the LORD is the beginning of all wisdom.” Psalm 111:10; Proverbs 9:10. The fear of the Lord… why do so few of us have joy? Where is the wisdom? Where is the fear?
I originally purchased this book because I felt like I needed to read it before I read the other book I really wanted to read of Bevere’s called The King is Coming. I have never been more thankful that I did. Sadly, I go to church every Sunday, participate in many Bible Study groups, listen to podcasts, worship music, etc… and as of late my fear of God has dwindled. I think it comes with being in the Christian scene – it is easy to follow the crowd, even though God has called and declared in you a different mission and a different calling. Rarely in my life have I ever been one to follow the crowd. I tend to be more of the challenger, the questioner, the kid in class no one wants to raise their hand so that class ends early. And this study has reignited a fire within me that I did not even realize had gone out – true, vibrant, real, joyful, wise, fear of God.
I don’t want to be, even for one minute, in one place the Lord doesn’t desire me to be. AND I don’t want to miss being in the exact spot He has crafted me and placed me to be in. I want Him. I want His perfect Will for my life. I want His perfect Will for my family. YOUR Will be done in the Haley home on earth as it is in Heaven. And LORD, may I finish well….
“Now all glory to God, who is able to keep you from falling away and will bring you with great joy into His Glorious Presence without a single fault.” Jude 24 | Be it unto me, LORD.
The Savior birthed. The Savior slain. The Savior arose.
The headline. The turmoil and chaos. The unknowing and unthinkable of the Creator God in man form. Why is it that we can look on these things and not consider the real life ramifications? Why is it we can look at our world and government and current state of affairs and not consider the grandeur scene at play? Why is it we can wake up, review our favorite news channel and not consider that we are living in the days of the prophetic books of old?
The decisions of life are beautifully calculated in the midst of thirty-three years of His. Every defining moment and every future plan speak to the goodness and fullness of who He Is.
The same people shouted “Hosanna” and “crucify” to Jesus – within the same week. Hosanna means “save us now” and that is exactly what He did as shouts of “crucify Him” rang out.
The words of men shall be taken lightly. The actions of men shall be viewed with the eyes of eternity in mind. When you pause, reflect and take inventory of the moments of life it makes it easier to see the story unfolding.
Remind yourself today to view everything in this temporary space with eternity in mind. And what our mission as Christians actual is – love as you have been loved; forgive as you have been forgiven; go and make disciples of all nations. Be Jesus today.
42. Happy birthday #42. For the past twenty-four years we have shared birthdays together. Each with its own personality and feel. Each defined by pre-kids, post-kids, fighting, blissful, struggling with grief or despair, and then even joy and pain. This year’s birthday is no different in that it brings its own measure of grace and redemption.
Birthdays are important. They are markers in time, much like the markers of a New Year – the definition of a season. Hence why I think you should celebrate all week or month long! You have been my person for twenty years. You are my “better or worse, richer or poorer, sickness and health” partner. We have laughed a lot and definitely cried. We see the world together and raise our little kingdom warriors together.
You have been my protector and leader. We have grown together. We have learned how to be adults together, parents together and lovers together. We are the furthest thing from perfect – we fight and many times unfairly. We have chosen others and things over each other. We haven’t loved with patience and kindness – but guess what, that doesn’t define us. What defines us is how we recover and respond to the storms of life, and we have faced more than our fair share of storms. We are one unit – one team – one covenant relationship.
Every day I consider myself honored to celebrate the day with you and this birthday is another special blessing of more time together.
This weekend, we celebrate the day of your birth. You are loved. You are honored. You are cherished. You are part of me and I am part of you. You are valued. You are the joy of our home. You are the best at nearly all things (really all things) in the house and my favorite dance partner. I pray the next twenty years with you and your next 42 years of life are full of joy, peace, understanding, life and freedom. Our time together is so bright it will always cause blindness. We love you and are beyond blessed to follow wherever you lead.
Never forget that we are always in your corner. Happy birthday, my man.
The bird that changed the Haley family for the last two months. If you know our family, you know we are always on the prowl for people and animals we can help. Two months ago, we were no different – well, my in laws were no different. While my father-in-law was doing ministry and loving on the beautiful homeless people living under the bridge, the bird introduced himself by falling from the bridge and landing right in front of him.
And that is where the story of Pank begins – at first his name was Pigeon. Then Piglet. Then Hank. And then the final name became Pank. He wasn’t able to fly because his wing had been damaged. So my incredible in-laws began to nurse him back to health. This bird became a fixture with the kids and the whole tribe was fully engaged with loving this small, pitiful bird. He got better.
He was fed and encouraged to fly. And he did.
He was loved by the whole tribe and it was quite an emotional day when he was found this week. But his last two months were most likely some of his best days – he found a family. He found a home. He found a group of people who loved seeing him and knowing him. He wouldn’t have made it these last two months without the help and support of the family – not me, I helped none, but they all loved super big.
The boys dug the hole. Joel gave an excellent eulogy. And goodbyes were given. Tears were shed.
But what was the bigger purpose. Why did we get the privilege to meet this special little bird? Maybe, just maybe, he represented all the people we are to pick up who are wounded and need nursed back to health. Maybe, just maybe, he is our avian reminder that God calls us to do more in this life than to just live it. Maybe, just maybe, Pank is our family’s example of caring for the least of these.
May you fly high, Pank. Thanks for filling this family with some awesome fun memories these last few months.
For the past twenty-four years, I have been dating this guy. Yeah, sure, we made marriage covenant twenty years ago this year… but June 7 (yesterday – yes, a day late and a dollar short always) we became boyfriend and girlfriend. The picture attached is at his house in Rutledge, the summer before our senior year in high school began, just before we left to take him to the airport for a mission trip to Scotland. He decided to ask me to be his girlfriend and then got on a plane minutes later – I now see this was going to be prophetic of our relationship together. Every day a new adventure, every day a new plan, every day a new dream, every day a new destination.
He arrives home today from his latest adventure of leading photographers to better see God’s Masterpiece in Yosemite and Lake Tahoe and we are counting down the minutes until he steps off that plane in our beautiful East Tennessee. Each trip is a testing period for us. Most say, I am sure they have not seen struggle and that is the only reason they have been together for so long. And I say to that “YOU ARE CRAZY!” Life with any human creates chaos – it creates chaos in ways only those living with oxygen in their lungs can understand. Living is a choice. Marriage is a choice. Covenant is a choice. And all of it creates chaos in some form or another.
This summer, I am walking through a study on marriage, men, women & family with my group at church. Which is really kind of cool because in Kenya this year, me and some ladies were speaking about how we should cover the topic of marriage on our Kenya 2027 trip. But again, I digress. We are also studying with this same group what God’s Word says about Covenant. Let’s just say, God is at work in revealing Himself to us in a beautiful way. Not to mention, our Sunday nights opening up the book of James – in a deeper, convicting, life-altering way. I am honored to have a group of people to open the Book with. I am honored to have a group of people to walk in life with. We, as a couple, are honored to have a group of married men and women walking in this journey of life together with. And soon serve together with as the Lord reveals our next steps. There is not enough time on this earth to search and know God. When we make His Word our meal, our feast – we are always left with room for more. He satisfies, but also creates a deeper and greater hunger for Him.
We opened our Word together yesterday morning to take a deeper look at the first marriage – Adam in Eve found in Genesis 2. Did you know that marriage was established and created before the fall? Did you know that beautiful relationship was created before the great sin entered the world? Did you know that marriage was God’s idea? Did you know that God shared the entire creation story with us in Genesis – we don’t have to wonder about many things that He didn’t give us the answers for? Did you know… did you know… did you know… so many things I constantly and laughing at how God shows Himself to me.
Genesis 2:18-25
18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.” 19 And out of the ground the Lord God formed every animal of the field and every bird of the sky, and brought them to the man to see what he would call them; and whatever the man called a living creature, that was its name. 20 The man gave names to all the livestock, and to the birds of the sky, and to every animal of the field, but for Adam there was not found a helper suitable for him. 21 So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at that place. 22 And the Lord God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man. 23 Then the man said,
“At last this is bone of my bones, And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called ‘woman,’ Because she was taken out of man.”
24 For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. 25 And the man and his wife were both naked, but they were not ashamed.
So many things to unpack. Listen, I definitely do not have all of the answers. I am only a wild-eyed, short crazy lady who has consumed one too many cups of coffee and desperately needs her calm, realistic husband to come home. However, I challenge everyone to look at this passage. Read this passage. Look to God and ask Him – what do I need to better understand about marriage? What do I need to better understand about my role as a woman in society in 2026? Lord, what do I need to hear from you today? And He says “you will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:13. Now He was also speaking this to the Israelites who were exiled to Babylon from Jerusalem – so context is key. But I think this core principal of God holds true to to us today. He will not leave us wandering this early alone without a hope and without a direction – He wants to guide us and have relationship with us.
Today – make a point to say, where are you God? What does Your Word say? And open it. In January I started The Bible Recap with Tara Leigh Cobble in the Bible app – all free goods. And I know a lot of people use it to study God’s Word and read through it within the year. I am doing it within the year, but I am listening to the Word. If you never done this, do this. It is a great way to be in the Word daily. It is a great guide. And you don’t have to wait for January. Start today. Oh, and thanks for reading another ramble session with HH.
May 2026 | 24 years together with two kids who wear matching Ronald Acuna Jr shirts (completely by accident and I thought was great, Georgia is mortified) and Chickfila ice cream AT the airport.June 7, 2002. Babies.
Every day is a gift. Every day is a choice of how you spend the minutes. Every day we make the decisions of what to do with our 24 hours. I have heard it said and I have often said myself, I just wish I had a few more hours. Ha! We would waste that too without proper mindset. Kind of like the person who wishes they had more money to get out of debt… when all along the problem is not the top line, but the expense line… sorry, I digress. Just a take a way, I have the same amount of hours in my day as Elon Musk, Thomas Edison and of course Jesus. Each with the same 24 hours.
Yesterday was a perfect day. Beautiful temperatures, sun out – a restful morning of sleeping in until 6:49 AM with a relaxed Bible Study, time on the back porch with my book and coffee and LEG DAY with Faster Way. A peaceful morning. Joel, of course, awake by 7:50 AM to start his day of adventure with Legos and the continuation of fascination with Bad Guys book series and it’s author. Georgia the pre-teen sleeping in until someone from the otherworld wakes her from her deep grip on dreams.
And then off to the races we began! We had told mom the day prior that we would go on an adventure. At the time, I was completely unclear on what that adventure might be – I needed the Lord to tell me for certain what He intended our free day to look like. I cancelled my evening plans, as He directed, and chose to not be rushed and live in the day. Now, I had received a facetime message clearly asking me to pick up a gift for some sweet friends of ours 50th wedding anniversary from my mom – she made it clear that she was not going to forget about this gift and if I came without it…. we would be doing that first. So, I quickly took care of that and the Benedryl cream for Joel’s bee stings from the day prior, and we were off to the races.
Three years ago this August, my dad passed away. Six years ago this August, my sister passed away. In our family, memories matter. Days are important. We live each day to the absolute fullest and refuse to waste a moment. A blessing and a curse because you find yourself never really resting and breathing – so crash days are incredibly important. August is a big deal month that we all try to forget and hold our breath to get through.
I am currently reading a book called The Awe of God by John Bevere. I highly recommend to anyone wanting more out of life and wanting more in obedience to the Lord. I am finding that I have feared men way more than I have feared God and that is a bad deal. I also just finished two other books – A Million Miles In a Thousand Years by Donald Miller AND The Pursuit of God by A.W. Tozer. Both are life changing and should be on every human’s reading list.
Also, I noticed that kids have summer reading books assigned for upcoming 7th graders, 4th graders, etc. Where is the summer reading list for upcoming 41 year olds? Who know… maybe I am drafting that now. Back to the story.
For those who are unaware, my mom was diagnosed with vascular dementia not long after my father passed away. For most of her adult life she struggled with depression, anxiety and deep sadness. I think from many of the things she experienced and never really sought help for – the loss of her first born baby among those things. However, in the season of her diagnosis, my brother and I have noticed that you will not find an overall happier person. I say in her case, the dementia has been a gift to her in her later years. Not remembering the pain. Not remembering the struggles. Only remembering the good. And that seems to be the case – and I pray it always is. But I am curious if maybe the Lord has a way of giving us the beautiful holy form of dementia that keeps us logged into only the good, forgetting the bad, and only doing whatever He tells us to do next…. like she only does whatever the person she trusts around her tells her to do next. Maybe there is something to this dementia story that longs for one to press in and better understand.
We took off! Sunroom open and music blaring! Singing and dancing down the road. All the way to the local library for my kiddos to get some more of those summer reading books and my mom to break all of the sound ordinance rules within the public library. I am not sure the lady has ever been in one, well, she says she hasn’t. But who knows. She made friends with everyone, like always, so no one could tell her to hush… even though I tried. And then, once my kiddos got the maximum they could check out, we were off to lunch. Humble Hog in downtown Knoxville – HH is the logo. For those who know, you know… HH. I HIGHLY recommend this great dive for home cooked, gluten free goodness. We even ordered chicken livers, which have always made me want to gag – but my dad loved them. So we gave them a try! TEN out of ten! Our perfect handicap parking spot on Gay Street, 20 steps from the entrance made this the perfect spot and moment. There is nothing quite like eating outside in a downtown scene. Lots to see – people, graffiti artwork, sunshine. It was just great! So, moral of the story, go to the Humble Hog, eat outside, get chicken livers OR the biggest fried bologna sandwich you’ve ever seen.
Next on the agenda, a quick trip to the mountains. Being that we are so blessed to be about one hour from the Great Smoky Mountains – we go. Not enough, but we go. We spent about one hour in The Chimneys – sitting by the water as Joel played, Georgia napped (preteens sleep all of the time) and me & mom chatted about whatever and where ever her mind took her. We were relaxed. Not rushed. Enjoying all of the Lord’s creation that man looks to destroy every chance we get. The sound of the water and birds were so loud and fulfilling. You could almost hear it all singing “how great is our God”. The absolute marvel of our Creator among the created things.
All day long, mom said this was the best vacation of her whole life. Now, we went to Alaska and Hawaii in the last few years so I am trying not to take offense. But it was a pretty awesome day.
I mentioned earlier that I am reading a book called The Awe of God by John Bevere and in one the chapters he speaks of complaining…. He spoke about the “five sins that kept Israel from its destiny: craving evil things, worshiping idols, sexual immorality, testing God and complaining” (1 Corinthians 10:6-10). He goes on to mention that complaining is “the antithesis of holy fear; it’s not trembling at His Word. We dishonor God and His Word when we think or speak from the posture of discontentment.”
Ouch. This section hit hard. Every day and every new adventure, my mom is living in a vacation. She is thrilled to be alive. She is thrilled to have people who love her surrounding her. She loves to live and just the simplest car ride down the road brings her to life. No discontentment. Just fun in the present adventure. No to do lists for that one, just whatever the person who loves her tells her to do next. Interesting thought… just do whatever the Person Who loves us tells us to do next.
To round out the day, we went looking for a few deals at the Tanger Outlet – the tennis shoe shop and underwear shop. Looking for the items we can get for less. Quite successful, all three – mom, Georgia and Joel- walked away with new shoes! It was like Christmas morning. And of course, the last stop being the ultimate Buccees. Mom was living like a kid in a candy shop. After retrieving the perfect shirt for the 4th of July AND Icees (slushies for those not local) for the kids, we were off to the house.
This day was a calm, relaxed, non eventful day. But this day left an indelible mark.
In those days, when there was again a large crowd and they had nothing to eat, Jesus summoned His disciples and *said to them, “I feel compassion for the people because they have remained with Me for three days already and have nothing to eat. And if I send them away hungry to their homes, they will faint on the way; and some of them have come from a great distance.” And His disciples replied to Him, “Where will anyone be able to find enough bread here in this desolate place to satisfy these people?” And He was asking them, “How many loaves do you have?” And they said, “Seven.” And He *directed the people to recline on the ground; and taking the seven loaves, He gave thanks and broke them, and started giving them to His disciples to serve, and they served them to the people. They also had a few small fish; and after He had blessed them, He told the disciples to serve these as well. And they ate and were satisfied; and they picked up seven large baskets full of what was left over of the broken pieces.
Mark 8:14
And the discipleshad forgotten to take bread, and did not have more than one loaf in the boat with them.
Mark 8:16-21
And they began to discuss with one another the factthat they had no bread. And Jesus, aware of this, *said to them, “Why are you discussing the fact that you have no bread? Do you not yet comprehend or understand? Do you still have your heart hardened? Having eyes, do you not see? And having ears, do you not hear? And do you not remember, when I broke the five loaves for the five thousand, how many baskets full of broken pieces you picked up?” They *said to Him, “Twelve.” “When I broke the seven for the four thousand, how many large baskets full of broken pieces did you pick up?” And they *said to Him, “Seven.” And He was saying to them, “Do you not yet understand?”
Mark 9:17-25
And one person from the crowd answered Him, “Teacher, I brought You my son, because he has a spirit that makes him unable to speak; and whenever it seizes him, it slams him to the ground, and he foams at the mouth and grinds his teeth and becomes stiff. And I told Your disciples so that they would cast it out, but they could not do it.” And He answered them and *said, “O unbelieving generation, how long shall I be with you? How long shall I put up with you? Bring him to Me!” And they brought the boy to Him. When he saw Him, the spirit immediately threw him into convulsions, and falling to the ground, he began rolling around and foaming at the mouth. And He asked his father, “How long has this been happening to him?” And he said, “From childhood. It has often thrown him both into the fire and into the water to kill him. But if You can do anything, take pity on us and help us!” But Jesus said to him, “ ‘If You can’? All things are possible for the one who believes.” Immediately the boy’s father cried out and said, “I do believe; help my unbelief!” When Jesus saw that a crowd was rapidly gathering, He rebuked the unclean spirit, saying to it “You mute and deaf spirit, I command you, come out of him and do not enter him again!”
I had the incredible privilege to spend two very full days covering Mark chapters 7-9 with the Pastor’s wives of the Maasai Tribal Churches in Kenya. We had six hours of teaching and three hours of focused prayer to anoint each Pastor and Pastor’s Wife for their ministry and calling in leading their homes and churches. Our team also lead six hours of leadership development and scriptural teaching among the Pastors in a separate set of sessions. As we prepared to embark on this trip, the Lord was clearly speaking to us to have great faith. We had great needs and we needed our Lord to truly show up to deliver on those needs.
This week’s trip began in my heart last year when I had the great opportunity to teach these same Pastor’s Wives in leading them through Mark chapters 1-3. The only reason my family decided to connect with the people of Maasai in 2025 was solely based upon a selfish ambition – my husband was going their on a work trip and I wanted to experience it with him the week before. We felt we could find a church group or someone to come alongside and encourage in the faith and see the country. Through an extensive, Providential search, I was connected with Bishop Rampei. We determined a 2-day Ladies Conference was exactly what he and his people needed. And this week, we just completed the 2nd 2-day Ladies Conference, but bigger and even better. As we began to pray for 2026 trip, our family and Bishop and Jackie Rampei prayed for some specifics:
A man to teach the Pastor’s at the same time as I lead the Wives. – ANSWERED.
Swahili Bibles. – ANSWERED.
Maasai Bibles. – ANSWERED.
Sponsorships for those Pastors with a distance to travel. – ANSWERED.
Basic medical supplies for the village church we attended & Pastors to take back with them to their churches. – ANSWERED.
Motorbikes for those Pastors who must walk the furthest to minister to their people and work to provide for their families. ANSWERED. FIVE!
More people to join in on what the Lord was doing in this tribe – evangelism is not the priority here, it is further discipleship and church leadership. – ANSWERED.
And the Lord provided.
Because of Nehemiah Baptist Church led by Pastor Keith Weaver, our first Motorbike was purchased for the first Pastor – Pastor Daniel Ng’eetiai. Because of Fairview Knox Church led by Pastor Jeff LaBorg, our 400 Precept books were purchased for the women’s disciple for the conference & for their church groups AS WELL AS printing all of the materials created by Joshua Gass to lead the 80 Pastors. Because of Pickering Orthodontist, we were able to give out hundreds of tooth brushes to children and parents. Because of many countless others – so many it would take a really long time to name – we were able to sponsor 50 Pastors transportation & housing for the conference, purchase 220 Swahili/Maasai Bibles, 6 suitcases full of supplies, fed the local school children through all of next year, and purchase a total of 5 motorbikes – the second for Pastor James Kipaika AND the next three to be given on Monday after Easter.
Through leading these ladies in the scriptures of Mark 7-9, you could see a trending theme of the disciples asking at least three times “where’s the bread?” AND three times the Lord delivering. Did they not remember what He did with the five thousand? What about what He did for the four thousand? Why is it we cannot seem to grasp that God is always ready to provide when we are walking in the purpose and plan He has designed us to live in. For many years, the Lord had been developing in me the motto based upon scripture, “you have not, because you ask not.” Often, we don’t have the miracles we desire from God because we are never bold enough to ask Him for it. When will I understand? When will my eyes see and my ears hear? When will I fully grasp that He longs to give and show Himself – all we need to do is ask and walk in the Truth He has given us.
What is “the bread” we are asking for?
Have we seen Him deliver and leave the leftovers for us to take with us?
Is there “bread” you are asking Him for today?
And I have seen miracles this week. We were given the most outstanding drivers for our Land Cruisers – Onesmus and Tony. We learned their stories and their lives. We learned of Onesmus’s village that is still without a well for clean water. We learned how blessed we are to have consistent work and consistent pay checks to provide for our families. These men were a true gift for our team and a part of the blessings. They covered us in prayer, answered the many questions, they made us laugh and broke a few safari stupid rules (insert massive laugh).
Last year, my Precept Bible Study ladies wrote cards to the women of the conference that I handed out to the Pastor’s wives. I stated that each of those women had prayed for them while writing the card and it would be amazing if they would consider praying for them in return. And guess what, they did. One of the ladies who joined our trip this year, wrote a card AND the very Pastor’s Wife in the room was able to meet her. They were able to connect with one another. The Lord is faithful.
Lastly, we were able to visit the precious school – Oloika Primary School. This is the school that many have been provided breakfast and lunch to the students each day for the past year and scheduled for the upcoming year. During our visit, we began to discuss what the next needs are:
Shoes for the children
Text books in English and Swahili
Story books in English to practice the language
Potential children sponsorship so they can open the Boarding Houses.
$35 per month pays for one child to have breakfast, lunch, dinner, safe space to sleep and removes the burden of walking 7 miles per day round trip.
As I am sitting on a plane flying home now, we have already been discussing how to better equip the believers and use our abundance of blessings to assist with those in the most need. We are making plans to go back next March. We are making plans to continue discipling church leaders in making disciples. We are making plans to lead the conferences. We are making plans to continue to grow the relationship with the Oloika Primary School in providing textbooks, shoes & leather soccer balls. I ask only one question – is the Lord making plans for you to join in through giving, through adoption of one of these needs, through coming yourself to see what the Lord wants to do through you.
He has a plan for each of us. Are you walking in His plan or settling for the one you made for yourself?
The American Church has been given a second chance. There has been a radical jolt to the system of humanity with the martyrdom of a believer in Jesus Christ. An American Christian on American soil killed for his faith and the beliefs that align with that faith. We as fellow believers are impacted by this for many reasons.
The loss of a brother in Christ is painful – we weep with those who weep, we rejoice with those who rejoice.
The activity of the demonic has an influence – violence goes hand in hand with demonic. Genesis 6:11 says, “Now the earth was corrupt in the sight of God, and the earth was filled with violence.”
The conviction that we are not following Christ with the same level of obedience, zeal and passion as Charlie Kirk.
The reality that we have allowed the enemy to steal, kill and destroy – our joy, our unity in the body of Christ, our genuine fellowship with other believers, our families, our focus, our peace, our mission purpose for existing – to love GOD and glorify HIM forever. Satan can only take what we as believers allow him to have.
For most of my lifetime, we have not experienced the American Church reflecting Christ in the purest of forms. The whole purpose of the life of a Christian is to be a living example of Jesus to the world around them. To do that, we must know Him. To do that, we must know His Word. To do that, we must walk in complete surrender and obedience to the Father.
In my short life of almost forty years, I have witness so much hate among the believers of Jesus that it sickens me. And has broken the heart of God. So often, we as believers get more caught up in our own struggles, offenses, pains and viewpoints that we walk and live in the flesh and forget to crucify the flesh.
I would say for most of my life, I have greatly desired to be diligent in the pursuit of the heart of Jesus – and longed to live every second in complete surrender. These last five years have brought me to a new, different place on my journey. For more than one reason and on more than one occasion, I have attempted to run from everything. I have tried to run from my church, my family, my faith and even at points – my own life. When the fight gets too hard, I do one of two extreme things – assume the position of a runner and take off OR dig my stakes so deep into the ground that no act of anything but superhuman activity could get me to move. Some may call it stubbornness. The Lord knows this… we talk about it often.
In the last six months, God has been gently and lovingly been pulling me from my cocoon that I created to protect myself. I call it a cocoon because it was self-made and needed for a season. I don’t regret this time as it led me to today. And I pray to God I look as beautiful as the butterflies He created – which I know I will because if it isn’t good, then He is certainly not finished yet. Too often, I have confused the voice in my head. My peace and my joy and my hope were stolen. A critical spirit had moved in and began to plant seeds and grow roots. I made it easier on myself in my cocoon to not let many people in and turned away from the spots that would potentially cause me to be vulnerable. I heard the wrong voice. Instead of taking every thought captive, I began to believe the lies that Satan had whispered. Instead of holding everything up against the Word of God, I chose to be tossed to and fro like the waves letting my firm foundation slowly erode.
Today, I have apologized to my God for listening to the enemy’s voice instead of to the Holy Spirit. Today, I have apologized to my Pastor for allowing the enemy to separate me from his teaching and leadership. Today, I have apologized to my husband for being critical and at times unforgiving. Today, I am choosing to open up again and take the risk that comes from potentially being hurt or pained by another. Today, I am reaching out to those whom I have missed that the enemy has separated. Today, I choose to follow the Spirit once again in my life and see what the Lord has in store for this baby butterfly. Today, Christian, choose obedience to the Lord – His Word and His Spirit. Both are crucial for this life. Today, unbeliever, seek God. He says if you seek Him, you will find Him when you seek Him with your whole heart. Choose today to test Him. I am not asking you to become religious. I am asking you to ask God if He is real and listen for the answer. Make today the day you choose to look for Him. Accept Jesus as your Savior. He is faithful and just and will forgive your sins. Jesus longs for none to perish, but for all to enter into relationship with Him.
Jesus says, “I am the way, the truth and the life – no one comes to the Father accept through Me.” John 14:6
For God so loved the world that He gave His One and Only Son. John 3:16
Christian, be on alert –
“Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these…. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control, against such things there is no law.” Galatians 5:19-23
“Put to death therefore what is earthly in you; sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry – you have put off the old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its Creator.” Colossians 3:5-10
Christian, seek God and His face when determining if the voice speaking to you is from Him or not. And if you are experiencing grief or overwhelming loss or deep pain, ask a friend who seeks Jesus to help you navigate these Truths. AND never be above talking to a Christian counselor or therapist to navigate the pitfalls that so easily entangle us.
Our time on earth is coming to a close, rapidly. Jesus is coming for His Bride. If you haven’t chose to become a follower of Jesus – consider it. Times will get worse here and don’t spend an eternity wishing you had heeded these words. If you are a follower of Jesus – BE ALL IN. Choose today to surrender to the call, the obedience and pursue His Word and His family more than ever. Today, we choose to be bold in our love so that they may know that Jesus is real. We are the evidence.
Please enjoy this precious blog written by my niece, Kayla Porter.
Oh goodness, I’m not even sure where to begin.
I want to begin with a reminder that He sees YOU in every season. He delights in you and the desires of your heart. And He is faithful throughout generations. (Psalm 119:90)
Let me give a little background. My husband, Spencer and I got married as babies ourselves, 20 and 22 years old. Newly married, bright eyed and just trying to figure out life together, all the married things, but we held a huge desire in our hearts to grow our family.
Spencer and I started our fertility journey thirteen years ago. A year went by, and nothing happened. Negative tests, month after month. So, we were referred to Dr. Doody, a specialist in his field, the absolute best. We had all the testing done – and the results came in and were not at all what we wanted to hear. Especially my young fragile heart that just wanted a baby. He jumped right into the medical results – endometriosis and PCOS was my medical diagnosis – “getting pregnant on your own would be extremely difficult and nearly impossible.”
Immediately, my heart sank into my chest.
The words I never wanted to hear, I was hearing. But I knew my God was faithful and He ultimately had the final say. So, we began our journey of medicines, surgeries, & shots. Month and month, test after test, EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. NEGATIVE. I felt like a gut punch each month. Friend after friend getting pregnant. Obviously, my heart was overjoyed for them but deep down my heart just hurt. I went into a spiral of anger and bitterness. I tried to dig into my bible and seek, but honestly, I was so angry at the Lord, like He was doing it intentionally (why are we so stupid sometimes? He is for us. Working things for our good. And HIS GLORY – Romans 8:28. Working things in His timing, not ours.)
My mom reminded of His faithfulness, month after month. My aunt, who walked the same walk, reminded me. My mother-in-law always told me He would do it. Our families constantly praying over us and for us. A couple years went by, and it just felt heavy. Doubt filled my mind and heart. Knowing He could do it, but why wasn’t He? So, one morning after our last failed attempt at IUI, and a strong vent (scream) session with the Lord, by the way, He can handle your screams, cries and questions. Tell Him. But He made it very clear to me that this wasn’t our path. So, Spencer and I talked, prayed, and sought the Lord for His plan. We heard one word, WAIT. Then all we heard was SILENCE. Thankfully, we believe that Jesus is always working – even in the silence. He brought to my heart and mind the story of Hagar more times than I can count – reminding me that He sees me. Countless nights of tears and crying out. He was in the weeping with me. Holding my hand. He was faithful.
Fast forward to November 2018, still no babies but we had a new desire from the Lord. He laid foster care and adoption on my heart. Spencer wasn’t quite on the same page, but agreed to pray about it all. About a month or so later, we jumped in faith. We started our classes in January 2019 – telling NONE of our family – we just trusted the Lord. By February, we had heard and seen so many things that once you hear and see you can’t walk away. Especially knowing that the Lord called us to take care of the orphans. Kiddos that just needed to feel loved, wanted, and chosen. Spencer and I didn’t leave a class without being in tears. He said in one of our last classes “He’s called us to it. We’ve seen it. We can’t walk away now.” So, we didn’t. We jumped right in and never looked back. Still just trusting in the unknown, isn’t the easiest thing at all. Our house was approved in March 2019 and the Lord bombarded our hearts and our home with more than we could have ever imagined! He was faithful.
One morning in March, we received the call about two little gals, 5 and 7. And goodness, they were divine!! The cutest, curliest hair that I had ever seen. The smiles that lit up my heart. The most beautiful sister girls. The sass was strong with them. They had been through so much, but yet still smiling. We said YES and agreed to meet with them to make sure we were a good fit for each other – while we waited, Spence and I prayed that if these little girls were meant to be with us that the Lord would show us, a day I’ll never forget. We met them at the park and our oldest, Laila, immediately chatted our heads off and clung to Spence, she’s still quite the daddy’s girl and chatty LOL! But our Lily was very stand offish and very untrusting, she had been through so much and she went and laid on the play structure, alone. I heard the Lord say “go lay with her.” And without hesitation I laid on the ground next to my girl. I chatted and introduced myself but nothing. No words. She just looked at me with her big beautiful blue eyes. So, I just sat with her and prayed silently to the Lord and in that next breath she reached for my hand, without a word and walked me to the swings. She began to laugh and play with us. They were our girls, my heart just knew. Quickly, we fell in love. And so did everyone that came in contact with them. Come to find out, Laila already attended GES and her teachers, who are amazing, were apart of our church family who had been praying for their new home that Laila had told them about cause she was excited/nervous – unknown to them it was us. SO cool how the Lord is in EVERY detail! Even the smallest ones. He’s there for it all. Their journey was hard and each month contained countless visits, tantrums, trauma, PTSD, and therapy sessions. Hard moments. Joyful moments. But again, the LORD was there. Every step. So, let’s jump to August 2019, we received ANOTHER CALL for a placement of a little boy, 1 year old, our Ernie and his sister, littlest love, Lonnie, 4 months old. We paused. Prayed. Sought. Definitely called our Moms. And ultimately, said YES. I quit my job two days later snd stayed home with FOUR kids. Remind you, March of 2019, we had NONE. He is always working in the midst of the waiting season. He never lets you walk alone. He was faithful.
But this case unknown to us would be a tad different in many ways. We fought for all of our babies harder than ever. A wretched virus shut down the world. Our fella didn’t talk at all and again, doctors said “he may not ever talk.” But GOD. If you know Big Ern, you know he doesn’t know a stranger. Our girl had to have a major brain surgery in the midst of said virus. Our girls were home from school missing normal life and their friends. Then, in August of 2020, I lost my Mom during our fight. Our family turned upside down. So much grief. So many emotions. We took in E and L’s littlest bros and then they went back after a year. Depression. Anxiety. Mental battles. Spiritual warfare all around us. So much loss. Yet again, He was faithful.
Life was just increasingly heavy every day. There were a lot of lonely days, but the Lord met us daily. Faithfully.
What the enemy meant for evil, the Lord used for good!
In the midst of everything, He was still holding me. And He’s holding onto you – speaking peace, be still. (Psalms 46:10; Mark 4) By the way, be still means to completely surrender your control. In these seasons, He taught me to completely rely on Him. He reminded me to rejoice in all circumstances. I read the story of Job and felt completely seen and could relate. But what did Job do? He stayed with His God. He stayed faithful. He didn’t curse Him, Job blessed Him. The story of the woman who touched “just the fringe of His garment” to be healed came to my heart and mind. So much faith in these moments. Desperation for Him. Reliance on Him. See my friend, it’s in the moments of waiting and desperation that you realize He doesn’t call you to plan and figure it all out. He doesn’t call you cause He needs you. He wants you! He has a plan for you only He can provide. He only wants our hearts and our trust. To worship Him in spirit and truth. The last five years of life have been hell on earth some days, but sitting here looking back on all His faithfulness and all He’s done and taught me, I wouldn’t trade one moment. He created in my heart something only He could create. He refined me. He changed me. He loves me and He loves my children more than I ever could! He is for YOU! He took every ounce of pain that I was feeling and experiencing and replaced it with JOY and peace. Nothing was wasted. Nothing returned void. Friend, I don’t know where you are in your journey reading this but I encourage you to stay with Him. Cling to His garment at all cost. It will cost you. But it’s worth everything.
Finally, after FIVE years in foster care, all of our babies are officially adopted! We couldn’t have imagined any of this life but the One who is called Life and Creator sure could. He gave us more than we could have ever imagined! Miracle upon miracle!
And to top it off, incase you were wondering if Jesus could get ANY cooler….we are expecting a BABY GIRL this Christmas! Our first pregnancy. Something we never thought would happen for us. But GOD. Again, He was faithful.
He doesn’t forget you. He sees you. He hears you. Keep praying. Keep the faith. Keep pressing into Him. He knows best, if He had given me what I wanted so badly- look at all the blessings, lessons, refinement, and miracles I would have missed out on! Thank you, Jesus!
Wherever you are in your journey of waiting, keep clinging to Jesus’s garment.
Psalm 91 has been the guiding principle for most of my life. Verse 14 says, ” I will rescue him; I will protect him for he acknowledges my name. He will call on my name, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will be will deliver him and honor him.” This has certainly been the case for me. God has continuously protected me. And guided my footsteps. As I look back I can see how events fit together and impacted other events that had no visible purpose or reason at the time.
My story doesn’t start here in Tennessee as many might think, but way back when I was about four year old. No, I’m not going year by year. But the age of four was a critical year. It’s the year I called “shotgun” on the way to daycare at the hospital where my mom worked with my two brothers were stuck in the back seat. It was the mid 60s, which meant no seatbelts or child seats. We lived outside of Washington DC in the suburbs. My mom worked at the county hospital and to travel there we had to drive on the Capital Beltway. On that specific morning, a woman we were following slammed on her brakes unexpectedly. My mom did the same. I flew forward and hit the windshield. I ended up with a concussion and had to spend the day on a cot at the daycare counting cracks in the wall. The only good thing about the day was that I had a really good green milkshake.
Throughout childhood and adolescence we quickly learned that I was a klutz. I could be walking down the street and fall and sprain my ankle for no reason. This happened on a regular basis. I had my fair share of sprains and stitches. As a teen, I went on a camping trip with church. While on the trip, we went apple picking and I chose the wrong branch. I fell fifteen feet onto rotten apples and thus began my back problems.
My back issues were further exacerbated during my first year of teaching. It was January. I was living in Missouri, where I’d gone to college, teaching in a rural school district. My parents were living out of the country and we’d had a major snowstorm a few days before. On the way to school, I remember being in the right lane, with a car in front of me having their right turn signal on and slowing down, so I moved to the left lane. That’s the last thing I remember before I woke up the wrong way on the highway with some guy saying “I knew she was going to hit me so I jumped out of my car.” His car was in a ditch. Mine was a foot and a half shorter. By God’s blessings, I walked away from that accident with very sore muscles and bruised ribs. I later learned, I had two fractured ribs, most likely from that accident when I broke the steering wheel.
After Missouri, God moved me to Texas for about ten years, then to Maryland. I was living in the city I’d grown up in for about fifteen years. I was counseling middle schoolers and doing scheduling for the school, as well as being the department chairperson. At church, I co-lead the adult singles withone of my friends. I had a lot going on. In 2009, my fall from the apple tree caught up with me at work. My back went out permanently. After jumping through all the hoops with a pain doctor and physical therapy, it was decided that surgery was the best option. My pain was off the charts. I got up went to work came home crawled in bed, repeat. I walked like a 90 year old weeble wobble and was in excruciating pain. In the summer of 2013, I had my lower back fused.
The surgery was not the success the doctors and I had hoped. I continued to be in pain.
Ten and a half months after my lower back surgery, my friend and I prayerfully made the decision to pass the reins on co-leading the singles group to others within the group. So one Saturday we went to a restaurant on the Potomac River for some good crabs for a celebration and to pass the baton. On the way home, my car was rear ended and hit 3 times by a 17 year old in a Ford F150. I was driving a Honda Accord Coupe. He hit me so hard I had the shape of his license plate in my bumper punched out. Initially, I had a severe case of vertigo. Then several months later at work, my neck started tingling.
I went and saw my primary care physician. She said it was probably arthritis, but wanted to get some X-rays. A day or so later, I got a call from her office saying I needed to go see an orthopedist or a neurosurgeon as soon as possible. First, I got a copy of the X-ray report. I wanted to know what was so critical, that I couldn’t pass go, with PT. It said I had a remote fracture, which means an old broken bone. What? I’d never broken a bone! Lots of stitches…no bones! I didn’t know about the rib bones at that point. The condition of the bone I broke is called Os Odontoideum in honor of the odontoid bone I broke. You’re probably wondering where the heck is that bone. Well, if you’re old enough to remember Christopher Reeve, it’s the bone he broke in his neck when he fell off his horse. It put him in a wheelchair and paralyzed him from the neck down. He needed oxygen to breath. The other option when you break that bone is it could kill you. There are about 15 people a year that are incidentally found to have this condition each year, usually in later life from an injury to the head. It almost always requires surgery to stabilize it. It’s a little bone in your neck attached to your C2 vertebrae and very hard to break. Mine was in two pieces. The lower half attached to C2, the upper half attached to my skull.
I called my neurosurgeon at Hopkins and made an appointment with him. We had a discussion about my condition. He thinks I broke the bone in the accident when I was 4 and had been walking around with my head unattached since about 6 when the bone attaches to C2. He said we should do surgery if I start to get clumsy, otherwise we monitor it. I let him know my picture is in the dictionary next to clumsy. Clumsy is a symptom of the condition. When I told my mom, clumsiness was a symptom, her response was, “So you have a medical reason for being a klutz?”
I responded,” It appears so, and Dad was wrong.” I continued with”I can just imagine every timeI fell, God telling my Guardian Angel to grab my head….she’s going to fall again!” I imagined all the things I had done in my life , like skiing, not very well and skiing into trees on the bunny hill.
I knew God had been protecting me my whole life.
At first I wanted to wait until the end of the school year to do the surgery to screw my head back on, but the tingling began to become so prevalent I couldn’t wait that long. I worked in a middle school where I was bumped regularly and fell on a regular basis. Going to work was a risk for me. My neck was very unstable. I could turn my head a ridiculous amount. Linda Blair jokes were made by my friends. I scheduled surgery for right after Christmas 2013.
December 27, 2013, I had my head screwed on.
By Gods grace, I have a significant amount of rotation in my head. If you don’t know me, you wouldn’t know, I have limited head rotation. I was told to expect 20 to 30 degrees rotatation. I have the rotation of a normal person.
Again God. I most notice it when I’m backing up my car. It’s hard to see behind me.so I’ve learned to go slow and rely on my back up camera and others around me helping me see what’s around me.
My neck surgery is when I truly knew God had been watching over me all my life. I had fallen so many times, the car accidents. God knew I was walking around with my head unattached and how dangerous it was. At any time, I could be paralyzed or suddenly dead. I never had any problems with my neck until I had surgery to screw my head on.
In 2017, I was blessed to be able to retire from my job in two states. God then lead me to Tennessee. My original plan was Texas, since I have family there and had lived there. But he used fb to show me that financially Tennessee was a better fit. So after taking a quick vacation here, we moved my mom to assisted living in Morristown in 2016. My aunt and I followed in 2017. My aunt to Morristown near my mom, me to Corryton and Fairview Knox Church.
In late 2018, I got the worst news of my life. I was diagnosed with mantle cell lymphoma. I was told by my doctors that I most likely had it while I was still in Maryland. Here’s the thing, had I known that I wouldn’t have moved. I would have stayed in Maryland because of access to Hopkins. God knew that. I believe that’s why I didn’t find out until well after I was here. God wanted me in Tennessee. He wanted me at Fairview Knox Church. I still don’t know all the whys. I just know that’s where I’m supposed to be planted. He did allow me to drive back and forth to Hopkins for treatment since that’s where my insurance had the best coverage. I know he blessed me unmistakably with healing multiple times.
To say the past five years here in Tennessee have been rough is an understatement. It’s not how I planned retirement. Retirement was supposed to be lunches out. Day trips with friends. Short trips once or twice a year with friends. Instead I got a calendar filled with medical appointments. The appointments have dwindled. I’ve dropped a doctor or two. I’ve survived the ventilator from Covid, a fungal infection meant to kill half who get it, and a staph pneumoniathat had me ventilated and thinking I was in a secret experiment. If you want to know about that one, just ask. It’s a story for another day. I was close to dying with Covid and the staph pneumonia. My mother was told to prepare when I had the staph. The prayers of many people, some I’ve never met, are what brought me through those illnesses. A good God saw me throug all of those. I’ve learned to walk twice during these years. What is clear God has work still to do.
To top it all off, I finished off by breaking my leg. Even that had a blessing. It got me the physical therapy my insurance company cut me off while I was in the hospital. Without it, I wouldn’t be able to walk on grass or have been able to get or handle my dog. There is a purpose in everything that happens, even when you think it’s bad.
Life is returning to normal and that’s a good thing. I am ready to start my original retirement plan.
The Journey 