Gratitude.  Why is it that we must go through difficult times in order to truly appreciate the blessings that the Lord has poured out upon us?  I wonder if there is a way to experience the blessings without the difficulty.  If there is, Lord, I am asking for it now.

The trick with it all is that I would not change the difficulties or ask God to take them away at all because of the lessons that I have learned along the way.  The joy that comes through the trial.  The praise to stand and truly say, “Lord, you have done it all.”

I know it is April, but I find myself looking back over 2014 with amazement that I survived.  My sweet baby girl, which took about five years to make (fertility problems if you don’t understand that… J), had her first and second surgeries to repair her cleft lip, cleft palate and collapsed nose.  Her first surgery was when she was two months old, so you can imagine, I was a basket case.  Not only with the normal postpartum madness, but then the only baby that the Lord has given us is now again in the Hands of the One who made her…

After the first surgery, the recovery was very difficult.  Georgia could not have a bottle for seven days.  All of her feedings had to be done by syringe.  Also, her hands could not go into her mouth at all.  When she was not being held, she had to have her arms in restraints so that her hands couldn’t pull out her stitches.  After seven days, she went back to the hospital to be put to sleep again to have the stitches removed.   Needless to say, it was quite the rodeo.  All of our family and close friends were nearby helping with feedings or spending the night to take care of her so that we could get some sleep.  Plus the tons of people who so graciously prepared meals for us so that we wouldn’t starve to death.  Because we would’ve… I wasn’t cooking, that WAS CERTAIN.   I could barely tell you my name.  I am truly blessed with a supernatural biological family, and a wonderfully gracious forever family!  Words cannot express the gratitude that I have for all of those who participated in giving acts of love towards us during those times.  Plus the magnitude of prayer warriors fighting for us and interceding for us.  I am truly thankful.

And then we finally got settled and somewhat comfortable with being parents of a baby girl, another surgery.  This time I decided I had to prepare myself spiritually so that I could face all that was ahead.  I remember having a conversation with the Lord and I told him that Georgia was His baby girl.  He knew her better than we did.  He loved her better than we could ever.  (And I love her more than anything!)  But He still loves her more.  And I remember telling her that if He needed to take her, if He desired to gain glory for Himself by her spending just a short time with us, then He would have to be there to hold me together, but I truly want what He wants and wills.  In that moment, I laid it all down.  I remember thinking that I was somewhat crazy for saying these words to God, but at the same time I had a tremendous sense of peace.  A peace that can only be described by the act of the Living God filling me with His Living Spirit and bringing what He brings best, peace.

Now don’t get me wrong, I have had my moments of anger and frustration, doubt and despair, but The Lord was greater.  The Lord’s grace and mercy was greater.  The Lord’s love for me was greater.  The Lord’s desire for my humility was greater.  The Lord’s desire for my sanctification is greater.  The Lord is greater.

“In order for God to give us what He wants to give us, we must first decrease.  Our plans, our desires, our wants must decrease so that He can fill us with more of Himself.  This is the mystery of growth- spiritual growth.  In order to get less of yourself, God has to break you.  He has to take you through broken seasons and circumstances, mountains and deserts so that He can humble you” says Jim Cymbala in a recent sermon called Receive.

He must become greater and I must become less.  John 3:30.  So, it looks like I am going to be having a few more storms, a few more trials to lead me to where He wants me to be.  And when I become less, He becomes greater and the gratitude flows.