Jesus, I am thankful for the times in my life when I say, “God, are You even real?”

These seasons, these roads, these pits produce the evidence that He is.

Over the course of my short 31 years of life, I have had many moments of doubt.  I have questioned whether or not our God truly does love.  Whether He truly does forgive.  Whether He truly does know all things and has good things planned for me.  I have often wondered, “are You even real?  Because I thought I knew what you wanted from me and for me….”

Did you know that this is normal?  Did you know that it is okay?  Did you know that our God is big enough to handle our times and seasons of doubt?  Did you know more people do this than are willing to admit?

There is freedom in realness.  Freedom in our relationship with The Saviour and realness in our relationships with others.  Many times we feel like we know, understand, catch a glimpse of The Lord’s perfect will in a situation and the circumstances do not line up.  Does that mean The Lord lost?  No.  It means that The Lord “causes ALL things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28.  And this is written by God, through a man who faced many forms of persecutions and eventually death for the Gospel that he believed and preached.

I have faced loss and difficulties:

• death of all my grandparents,
• death of my father-in-law,
• watching loved ones fight through cancer
• infertility for five years wondering what I had done that God did not want to bless me,
• my blessed baby girl that the Lord breathed life into my womb, born with a cleft lip and cleft palate,
• feeling overlooked and unappreciated,
• friendships ending and not understanding why,
• persecution from others because of beliefs,
• cars breaking,
• home air conditioning going out,
• financial struggles- some because of my choices, others because of just life,
• feeling like my husband did not understand me
• etc, etc, etc, etc…. you get the point….

None of these are special just to me and my circumstances.  These are just life.  Life is difficult.  It is all how we handle the difficulties that defines us.  Do we pretend that everything is okay or do we face it?  And be transparent through the struggles?

In this world, we know that we will “encounter various trials”, but we also know that we should “consider it pure joy… knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance and when endurance has its perfect result, we will be complete and perfect, lacking in nothing.” (James 1).  Lacking in nothing.  Our King Jesus wants me to be lacking in nothing.  Today, I don’t necessarily want to be lacking in nothing.  But tomorrow, when endurance has had the chance to perfect itself, I will appreciate and be thankful for the testing.

Jesus, I am thankful for the times in my life when I say, “God, are You even real?”