The last five years, the last five months, I have experienced life anew.  When I close my eyes and look back to exactly five years ago, everything looks different.  We have a six month old little girl about to experience her second cleft repair surgery.  We are learning how to be parents and parents to a baby that looks different, eats different and may not talk and hear like others.  We are enjoying the life of a comfortable, normal family who works normal hours in normal locations.  We walk in a small community that loves and knows and encourages everyone along.  We have a family that all looks alike and appears to be much like everyone else.

“Although He was a Son, He learned obedience from the things which He suffered.”  Hebrews 5:8

I never knew or dreamed of what the next five years would hold for my journey.  Many of the normal things, taken for granted, disappeared.  The areas of consistency and comfort went away.  And while looking back to yesterday produces amazing thankfulness and perspective, I wouldn’t change an ounce of any of the days that the future would hold.

“Take care, brethren, that there not be any one of you an evil, unbelieving heart that falls away from the living God.”  Hebrews 3:12

Only God knew the amount of faith the journey ahead would hold.  And only He knows the amount of faith each next step will take as He asks them of me.

When I take an inventory of what I see today, here is what it looks like:

• A relationship with God Almighty that moves off of the page of the Book and into my feet, my heart, my hands, my eyes; and then, I pray, into the eyes of those around me for a momentary encounter with the One who created and still creates.
• A man, I call husband, who is gentle and loving.  Patient and full of faith.  A servant’s heart.  Who gives so much of himself to those around him for the joy of the journey.
• A daughter, who approaches six years old very quickly.  Who displays love in ways I’ve prayed for.  She is comfortable with uncomfortable and sees the simplicity of each situation through the eyes of the wisdom The Father has given.
• A son, who The Father knew intimately in the womb of his birth mother and chose me to be called his mother.  As he runs as fast as he can to age three, he is a passionate, adventurous, loving little guy who calls me “his lady”.  And sometimes his “poopy lady”.
• A mission for those in the most unfortunate places in my city who are looking for hope.  This creates a purpose for me – a purpose for the Kingdom and a purpose that fulfills.  Walking in purpose brings life to weary bones.
• A family that has experienced pain, struggle, unknown, forced to walk in faith and be constantly looking to the Book for our own encouragement and direction.  

“But David strengthened himself in the Lord his God.” 1 Samuel 30:6

• A faith group that looks to the Word and the Spirit for direction and motion.  A faith group that is learning what the Promises of God are and how to STAND on every single one.  A faith group not built on one man, but only upon the one true God.
• A job that I could only dream of, originating from a moment I affectionately call “The Great Ambush.”  While it ambushed me, it was not unknown.  A job that allows me to create a place for the greatest generation to be valued, admired, respected, honored and revered.  A job that values the associates with the love and excitement that most workplaces have lost.
• Two children just as comfortable on Magnolia at the motels as Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse.  And passports stamped and ready to face the world – from SE Asia & beyond.  Who pray for a little sister that the Lord wants us to have.  Only He knows from where?!

In studying the numbers in scripture, you find that five is the number for grace.  Grace is God’s Redemption at Christ’s Expense.  I pray I have walked the last five years, the last five months, as a reflection of GRACE.  Do I know everything?  Absolutely not.  And never will.  Do I do everything right?  Absolutely not.  And won’t.  Do I stand beside the decisions made over the last five years, five months?  Absolutely.  And wouldn’t change a one.  Does life always make sense?  Never.  Do I wish for a world that loved more than it hated?  Definitely.  Do I hope that I reflect the love of God in the life I live?  With absolute certainty.  Do I wish that we could love through all things?  Yes.  

We live in a world where everyone believes that everyone must agree in order to have fellowship – fellowship at home, fellowship at work, fellowship at church.  Our love is not based upon what we can all agree upon.  Our love suffers long.  Love does not parade itself.  Love does not seek its own.  Love is not provoked.  Love rejoices in the truth.  Love bears all things.  Love endures.  If we have not love, we have nothing.  (1 Corinthians 13)

The last five years, last five months, the Lord has removed the idols from my life – “dumb idols” as Paul calls them in 1 Corinthians 12.  And I pray that my house and my family will always lead in love and follow every word in the love letter that He has written for me and is currently writing in me.