Please enjoy this precious blog written by my niece, Kayla Porter.

Oh goodness, I’m not even sure where to begin.

I want to begin with a reminder that He sees YOU in every season. He delights in you and the desires of your heart. And He is faithful throughout generations. (Psalm 119:90)

Let me give a little background. My husband, Spencer and I got married as babies ourselves, 20 and 22 years old. Newly married, bright eyed and just trying to figure out life together, all the married things, but we held a huge desire in our hearts to grow our family. 

Spencer and I started our fertility journey thirteen years ago. A year went by, and nothing happened. Negative tests, month after month. So, we were referred to Dr. Doody, a specialist in his field, the absolute best. We had all the testing done – and the results came in and were not at all what we wanted to hear. Especially my young fragile heart that just wanted a baby. He jumped right into the medical results – endometriosis and PCOS was my medical diagnosis – “getting pregnant on your own would be extremely difficult and nearly impossible.”

Immediately, my heart sank into my chest.

The words I never wanted to hear, I was hearing. But I knew my God was faithful and He ultimately had the final say. So, we began our journey of medicines, surgeries, & shots. Month and month, test after test, EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. NEGATIVE. I felt like a gut punch each month. Friend after friend getting pregnant. Obviously, my heart was overjoyed for them but deep down my heart just hurt. I went into a spiral of anger and bitterness. I tried to dig into my bible and seek, but honestly, I was so angry at the Lord, like He was doing it intentionally (why are we so stupid sometimes? He is for us. Working things for our good. And HIS GLORY – Romans 8:28. Working things in His timing, not ours.)

My mom reminded of His faithfulness, month after month. My aunt, who walked the same walk, reminded me. My mother-in-law always told me He would do it. Our families constantly praying over us and for us. A couple years went by, and it just felt heavy. Doubt filled my mind and heart. Knowing He could do it, but why wasn’t He? So, one morning after our last failed attempt at IUI, and a strong vent (scream) session with the Lord, by the way, He can handle your screams, cries and questions. Tell Him. But He made it very clear to me that this wasn’t our path. So, Spencer and I talked, prayed, and sought the Lord for His plan. We heard one word, WAIT. Then all we heard was SILENCE. Thankfully, we believe that Jesus is always working – even in the silence. He brought to my heart and mind the story of Hagar more times than I can count – reminding me that He sees me. Countless nights of tears and crying out. He was in the weeping with me. Holding my hand. He was faithful. 

Fast forward to November 2018, still no babies but we had a new desire from the Lord. He laid foster care and adoption on my heart. Spencer wasn’t quite on the same page, but agreed to pray about it all. About a month or so later, we jumped in faith. We started our classes in January 2019 – telling NONE of our family – we just trusted the Lord. By February, we had heard and seen so many things that once you hear and see you can’t walk away. Especially knowing that the Lord called us to take care of the orphans. Kiddos that just needed to feel loved, wanted, and chosen. Spencer and I didn’t leave a class without being in tears. He said in one of our last classes “He’s called us to it. We’ve seen it. We can’t walk away now.” So, we didn’t. We jumped right in and never looked back. Still just trusting in the unknown, isn’t the easiest thing at all. Our house was approved in March 2019 and the Lord bombarded our hearts and our home with  more than we could have ever imagined! He was faithful. 

One morning in March, we received the call about two little gals, 5 and 7. And goodness, they were divine!! The cutest, curliest hair that I had ever seen. The smiles that lit up my heart. The most beautiful sister girls. The sass was strong with them. They had been through so much, but yet still smiling. We said YES and agreed to meet with them to make sure we were a good fit for each other – while we waited, Spence and I prayed that if these little girls were meant to be with us that the Lord would show us, a day I’ll never forget. We met them at the park and our oldest, Laila, immediately chatted our heads off and clung to Spence, she’s still quite the daddy’s girl and chatty LOL!  But our Lily was very stand offish and very untrusting, she had been through so much and she went and laid on the play structure, alone. I heard the Lord say “go lay with her.” And without hesitation I laid on the ground next to my girl. I chatted and introduced myself but nothing. No words. She just looked at me with her big beautiful blue eyes. So, I just sat with her and prayed silently to the Lord and in that next breath she reached for my hand, without a word and walked me to the swings. She began to laugh and play with us. They were our girls, my heart just knew. Quickly, we fell in love. And so did everyone that came in contact with them. Come to find out, Laila already attended GES and her teachers, who are amazing, were apart of our church family who had been praying for their new home that Laila had told them about cause she was excited/nervous – unknown to them it was us. SO cool how the Lord is in EVERY detail! Even the smallest ones. He’s there for it all. Their journey was hard and each month contained countless visits, tantrums, trauma, PTSD, and therapy sessions. Hard moments. Joyful moments. But again, the LORD was there. Every step. So, let’s jump to August 2019, we received ANOTHER CALL for a placement of a little boy, 1 year old, our Ernie and his sister, littlest love, Lonnie, 4 months old. We paused. Prayed. Sought. Definitely called our Moms. And ultimately, said YES. I quit my job two days later snd stayed home with FOUR kids. Remind you, March of 2019, we had NONE. He is always working in the midst of the waiting season. He never lets you walk alone. He was faithful. 

But this case unknown to us would be a tad different in many ways. We fought for all of our babies harder than ever. A wretched virus shut down the world. Our fella didn’t talk at all and again, doctors said “he may not ever talk.” But GOD. If you know Big Ern, you know he doesn’t know a stranger.  Our girl had to have a major brain surgery in the midst of said virus. Our girls were home from school missing normal life and their friends. Then, in August of 2020, I lost my Mom during our fight. Our family turned upside down. So much grief. So many emotions. We took in E and L’s littlest bros and then they went back after a year. Depression. Anxiety. Mental battles. Spiritual warfare all around us. So much loss. Yet again, He was faithful. 

Life was just increasingly heavy every day. There were a lot of lonely days, but the Lord met us daily. Faithfully.

What the enemy meant for evil, the Lord used for good!

In the midst of everything, He was still holding me. And He’s holding onto you – speaking peace, be still. (Psalms 46:10; Mark 4) By the way, be still means to completely surrender your control. In these seasons, He taught me to completely rely on Him. He reminded me to rejoice in all circumstances. I read the story of Job and felt completely seen and could relate. But what did Job do? He stayed with His God. He stayed faithful. He didn’t curse Him, Job blessed Him. The story of the woman who touched “just the fringe of His garment” to be healed came to my heart and mind. So much faith in these moments. Desperation for Him. Reliance on Him. See my friend, it’s in the moments of waiting and desperation that you realize He doesn’t call you to plan and figure it all out. He doesn’t call you cause He needs you. He wants you! He has a plan for you only He can provide. He only wants our hearts and our trust. To worship Him in spirit and truth. The last five years of life have been hell on earth some days, but sitting here looking back on all His faithfulness and all He’s done and taught me, I wouldn’t trade one moment. He created in my heart something only He could create. He refined me. He changed me. He loves me and He loves my children more than I ever could! He is for YOU! He took every ounce of pain that I was feeling and experiencing and replaced it with JOY and peace. Nothing was wasted. Nothing returned void. Friend, I don’t know where you are in your journey reading this but I encourage you to stay with Him. Cling to His garment at all cost. It will cost you. But it’s worth everything. 

Finally, after FIVE years in foster care, all of our babies are officially adopted! We couldn’t have imagined any of this life but the One who is called Life and Creator sure could. He gave us more than we could have ever imagined! Miracle upon miracle! 

And to top it off, incase you were wondering if Jesus could get ANY cooler….we are expecting a BABY GIRL this Christmas! Our first pregnancy. Something we never thought would happen for us. But GOD. Again, He was faithful. 

He doesn’t forget you. He sees you. He hears you. Keep praying. Keep the faith. Keep pressing into Him. He knows best, if He had given me what I wanted so badly- look at all the blessings, lessons, refinement, and miracles I would have missed out on! Thank you, Jesus! 

Wherever you are in your journey of waiting, keep clinging to Jesus’s garment.  

Love you, sister.