I’ve often wonder throughout my life if I was trusting God too much.  When you are growing up in church you are forced to look at those around you who have walked the faith longer than you searching for the right path, the right course.  I praise the Lord for the Word of God to lead us clearly, without fault, without fail.  Is it even possible to trust God too much?  What does that even mean?  By not trusting Him with everything, are we even trusting Him at all?  Why is there such a phrase of “radical obedience”?  Isn’t it just obedience and disobedience?  Again, my life… the life of questions.  I will always have more questions than answers, but right now, He is speaking to me the message for me to learn in this very moment of my life.

We think of those moments in our lives when we have the coincidences of God happen.  You know, the times when you are forced to step back and recognize you just had a God moment… In most of our lives, they are few and far between.  At least, that is how my life was a year ago.  I implore you to sit and look at your life and identify the moments when you clearly saw the Hand of God at work in your life and your circumstances.  Now you can probably count them.

But what if that is simply how the believer is supposed to live their lives?  Everyday.

Is it possible?

I believe it is.  I believe it is exactly where we are supposed to live.  I believe it is exactly where He desires us to be.  We’ve heard the scripture “For I have been crucified with Christ, for I no longer live but Christ lives within me.”  But is that really true for our lives?  Is that really true for my life?  Also, we’ve heard “when we lose our lives, we really gain it.”  Is our God a God of such paradox that we must assume that everything is truly a life of opposites….

But it is a life of opposites.  We do truly gain our lives and our freedom when we surrender.  That is just so WEIRD!  But SOOO TRUE!  I feel like for the first time in my Christian life, I have freedom.  That right now in this moment, I am crucified.  Now, I wasn’t crucified yesterday… but that was because I didn’t choose to crucify myself.  I chose to live in my pride, arrogance, sinfulness because it felt good.  For a moment.  A brief moment.  A brief moment it felt good… I lived in it for longer than a brief moment.  Just for the clarity of boasting in my weakness….. truly freeing when everyone knows that I am a filthy rotten sinner that is desperately in need of Saviour because on my own and left to my own desires I would utterly self destruct.  Again, I feel that is a part of the crucifixion process- being raw, naked, bare before the Lord and others.  Vulnerable.  Vulnerable to attacks, physical and spiritual.

You know attacks, when the christian people don’t understand what you are doing or why you are doing it because the radical God that we serve has asked you to do something that the christian people do not understand so they condemn you and say it must be wrong because it is out of the element of their understanding because anything that we don’t completely understand must be sinful…. OR when the christian people cannot control certain situations so instead of turning and looking towards the Lord (we don’t know what to do, so our eyes are on you) they throw stones at the ones trying to actually seek the Lord and follow His leadership in all things, not just the comfortable things.  How often I have done both of those things.  How often I have followed the mindset that my ways and thoughts are higher than all, so if they disagree, then they must be sinful!  WHO AM I?  How often have I followed a mentality of the christian crowd without ever consulting the Living and Breathing Holy Spirit of God that lives so deep within me.  You have called us to more.  You have commanded us to more.  You have created us for more.

What do we do with all of this?  Is it weird to be able to seek the Lord for what clothes in our closet are supposed to be given away and honestly hear Him say “yes” or “no” to certain articles of clothing?  It may be weird, but maybe weird is supposed to be our normal.  Maybe weird is supposed to be that we are “in the world and not of the world.”  Maybe our weird is to be so utterly surrendered to the cross that we don’t care if people take our ideas or not, at the end of the day our Lord is to be glorified and lifted up.  Maybe weird is supposed to be that we “diligently seek unity” so much that we are going to be peacemakers in every circumstance so that the Kingdom is the enhanced and “added to daily”.  Maybe crucifying yourself is all about truly living for the Kingdom home and not the temporary home.  What am I doing today to make ready my Kingdom home…. but what am I doing today to make ready my temporary home?

I have a wonderful friend who I am going to affectionately call Jojo #1 because that is what my 19 month old daughter calls her.  This sister of mine has walked a tough road.  She has an intimate testimony about being “pulled from the muck and the mire”.  She has lived a life that only makes sense by the grace of God.  And the year 2014 was no different.  Last year the Lord opened her eyes to a new way of living- fearlessly faithful to the call of God.  She is examining some of these truths that I have stated earlier very closely.  She will be the first to say that she is far from mastering this, actually she will be quite angry with me for even saying that she is walking in it now.  Last November, she felt the Lord very clearly speak to her heart that she was to pack up her things and move her life to another nearby city to go back to school.

Precious Jojo #1

In this new city, she doesn’t know a soul.  Her family and very close friends all live here.  When the Lord spoke this to her heart, my first thought was… “Of course.  Absolutely!”  And then I had to speak from the heart to question if she was just running from life here OR if the Lord was really calling her to start a new chapter.  And I believe with everything in me that it was to start a new chapter.  For those who know her well, the peace is overwhelming.  Today, she has packed her items and moved into her new home.  Again, her new temporary home.  She is going in obedience to the call of the Lord.  Not radical obedience, because there is no such thing.  She is going in straight obedience.  He spoke and she answered.  After she answered, He began to lead her step by step down the path that He illuminated.  Even last week before she left, I had prayed about when was I going to be able to squeeze her into my crazy schedule, and then the Lord intervened and had out paths divinely cross at the Hobby Lobby.  I rarely go to Hobby Lobby… but I did this week and at this certain time of day not knowing that my dearest friend would walk in right as I was walking out.  The Lord determines our steps.  The Lord has great plans for us.  The Lord calls us to obedience.  Will you or will I walk fearlessly faithfully with Him?  Every day.

Me and Jojo #1… love her and already miss her. Lord be with her and direct her every step. Pour your wisdom on her.